Isn’t it weird how humans have to drink a clear liquid substance to survive
doctors: why are all your bones broken
me: totally gnarly kick flip
doctors: fucking savage bro
fifty shades (thats it. thats the whole joke. im wearing 50 pairs of sunglasses right now this is comedy gold people)
“ya but how many chainz” i holler from the back of the crowd. suddenly its my show and your girlfriend is on my arm now. shes also a man and your gay
I JUST PUT MY SHIRT ON AND THERE WAS A SPIDER IN IT!!!!!!!!
or did you just put a shirt on that a spider was already wearing?